“Had the truck come one minute sooner or later … had the drivers stopped for coffee … or skipped a break … the accident might never have happened. …As I began walking toward [the church], Tom called softly … ‘I’m sorry, old buddy. … Give God a chance. Listen. I think that’s what’s most important now. Just listen.’ God did not kill my son, I thought as I sat in the church. Then if there is a God, I asked, where did he fit in all of this? Something told me, ‘love.’ That was God’s most dominant characteristic, an all-encompassing, unqualified love….  If that was true, then God had to ‘feel’ the love I had for Michael. It had to be part of his experience. And he had to know my pain. … If he did, he had to feel as badly as any friend. At least that much. He had been as much a part of Michael’s creation as had Marie and I. He knew the joy that had been Michael. The pain had to cut him deeply. As deeply as it did me. He had to be grieving my – our – loss, sorrowing as Christ’s own mother must have sorrowed. All this was … pulling and then sweeping me along. The God I had reviled and rejected had been waiting to mourn with me, burdened with sorrow he would share with me. I felt so ashamed. I had been so wrong, for so long. Yet God had never given up on me. …Then, without warning, the experience of Michael’s death began to replay in my mind … surging up inside me, a mass of agony and pain, and I wanted to get up and run. But … I heard the words, ‘I know. I know. As you did, as you still do, I love him too. I know.’ I stayed put, weeping, as the pain poured out. But not alone. Not unconsoled. This time I wept in the arms of my God, whom I finally allowed to hold me….” Frank Bianco

“we know how dearly God loves us”
Romans 5:5

Moving From the Head to the Heart

• Do you sense God grieving with you in your losses?
• Can you “give him a chance” and let him show himself to you?
• Can you let him just hold you?

Abba, why should I run from you when you’re only waiting to love me?

For More: Voices of Silence by Frank Bianco