“Silence makes us nervous. …we fear that silence may be interpreted as low self-esteem or questionable intelligence. …Many feel silence is a form of nonparticipation, signaling lack of interest. …For fear of being thought clueless, have you dived into a conversation, throwing out opinions, arguing your point, defending your ideas throughout a debate, only to discern later, once you stopped to catch your breath, that there was another, wiser road you could have taken? It is understandable that emerging leaders believe they need to be fast on their conversational feet …Fierce conversations, however, require silence. In fact, the more emotionally loaded the subject, the more silence is required. And, of course, this carries over into our homes, into our personal relationships. Often we are simply trying to intuit something about ourselves, our companions, or the topics themselves. Sometimes we need silence in which to make a decision about the closeness we feel for our companions or the distance we feel from them. Once in a precious while, silence is merely abstinence from self-assertion.  …Often my role is to slow down a conversation, and silence is my greatest tool in this. As we talk with people, as we sit with them in silence, what is in the way–anger, numbness, impatience, manipulation, rigidity, blame, ego, cruelty, ambition, insensitivity, intimidation, pride–may  fall away. It is in silence that such attributes, emotions, and behaviors reveal themselves as unnecessary. …My conversations with the people most important to me, silence has become my favorite sound, because that is where the work is being done. Of all the tools I use during conversations and all the principles I keep in mind, silence is the most powerful of all.”  Susan Scott

“When we can stand aside from the usual and perceive the fundamental, change begins to happen. …Silence brings us to back to basics, to our senses, to our selves.” Gunilla Norris

“Silence is the welcoming acceptance of the other.” Pierre Lacout

“fools multiply words”  Ecclesiastes 10:14

Moving From Head to Heart

• Can you remember that “silence is required” in your next “emotionally loaded” conversation?
• In your relationships, can you trust silence to “do the heavy lifting” like that described above?
• Will you embrace silence and be brought “back to your senses?”

Abba, I come today only with silence.

For More: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott*

*Special thanks to Tad Blackburn for making me aware of this book.