Tag Archives: approval addiction

Daily Riches: Freed From the Need to Impress (Henri Nouwen)

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Being the Beloved, The Upside-Down Kingdom, True Greatness, truth and illusion

“‘Truth’ in our culture has become so largely determined by statistics that is is easy for us to truly believe that the number of people who listen, watch, or attend is a measure of the quality of that which is presented. It is difficult for us to believe that salvation came from the remnant of Israel. …that something very good came from an unknown place. …that our God is a God who came in the unspectacular form of a servant, who entered Jerusalem on an ass, and who was killed as a common criminal. And it is even more difficult to believe that a few unsophisticated fishermen brought God’s good news to the world. We act as if visibility and notoriety were the main criteria of the value of what we are doing. It is not easy to act otherwise. …How do we overcome this all-pervading temptation? is it important to realize that our hunger for the spectacular – like our desire to be relevant – has very much to do with our search for selfhood. …Who am I when nobody pays attention, says thanks, or recognizes my work? The more insecure, doubtful, and lonely we are, the greater our need for popularity and praise. Sadly… the more praise we receive, the more we desire. The hunger for human acceptance is like a bottomless barrel. … Jesus responded to the tempter, ‘You must not put the Lord you God to the test.’ Indeed, the search for spectacular glitter is an expression of doubt in God’s complete and unconditional acceptance of us. It is indeed putting God to the test. It is saying: ‘I am not sure that you really care, that you really love me, that you really consider me worthwhile. I will give you chance to show it by soothing my inner fears with human praise and by alleviating my sense of worthlessness by human applause. …The basis of all ministry is the experience of God’s unlimited and unlimiting acceptance of us as beloved children…. This experience of God’s acceptance frees us from our needy self and thus creates new space where we can pay selfless attention to others. This new freedom in Christ allows us to move in the world uninhibited by our compulsions….” Henri Nouwen

“whoever takes the lowly position of this child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 18:4

 Moving From Head to Heart

  • Have you fallen for the “numbers” trap?
  • Are you trying to “soothe your inner fears” with applause? to receive from people what God must give?
  • Can you sit quietly before God and just let him love you?

Abba, deliver us from illusion.

For More: The Selfless Way of Christ by Henri Nouwen

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Thanks for reading and sharing “Daily Riches.” –  Bill

 

Daily Riches: The Danger of the Spotlight … and Success (Thomas a Kempis, Francis of Assisi, C. S. Lewis, and Gordon MacDonald)

Posted on by under approval addiction, Ego Issues, Humility, Silence

“No one can be a public person, without risk to his soul, unless first he is a private person. No one can be a speaker, without risk to his soul, unless first he is fulfilled when he says nothing. …Who enjoys tranquility? The one who doesn’t take seriously either praise or lack of it from people.” Thomas a Kempis

“Blessed is that servant who does not think himself better when he is praised and exalted by men, than when he is despised and considered simple and good-for-nothing, for what a man is in the sight of God, this he is and no more.” Francis of Assisi

“Prosperity knits a man to the World. He feels that he is ‘finding his place in it’, while really it is finding its place in him.” C. S. Lewis

“There was no weight there [below the waterline in his sailboat]. In  a moment when a well-designed keel and adequate ballast might have saved the ship they were nowhere to be found.” Gordon MacDonald

“So, if you think you are standing firm,
be careful that you don’t fall!”
1 Corinthians 10:12

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Do you need affirmation and approval to be “fulfilled?” When someone praises you, do you “take it seriously?” Assess the level of danger you are in based on your answers.
  • “… what a man is in the sight of God, this he is and no more.” That’s convicting. Is the part of your life which is above the water line and seen by others, kept safe by “weight” below the water line – is there “adequate ballast?” What is your ballast?
  • A “disruptive moment” (MacDonald) is certain to come. Are you preparing yourself for the inevitable? If yes, how?

Abba, help me to focus on who I am in your sight, on having weight, on being ready for crisis. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.

__________

For More: The Life God Blesses by Gordon MacDonald

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These “Daily Riches” are for your encouragement as you seek after God and he seeks after you. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it. My goal is to share something of unique value with you daily in 400 words or less. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

“I practice daily what I believe; everything else is religious talk.”

Daily Riches: The Constant Purification of Motive (Richard Rohr and Thomas Keating) *

Posted on by under approval addiction, Ego Issues, Loving Union with God, Obscurity and Secrecy, Spiritual Formation

“Whenever you perform a religious action publicly, it enhances your image as a good, moral person and has a strong social payoff. Jesus’ constant emphasis is on interior religiosity, on purifying motivation and intention. He tells us to clean the inside of the dish instead of being so preoccupied with cleaning the outside, with looking good (Matthew 23:25-26). The purifying of our intention and motivation is the basic way that we unite our inner and our outer worlds. (Please read that twice!) All through the spiritual journey, we should be asking ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I really doing this for God, for truth, or for others? Or am I doing it for hidden reasons?” The spiritual journey could be seen as a constant purification of motive until I can finally say, “I have no other reason to do anything except love of God and love of neighbor.” Richard Rohr

“In the Near East, centuries ago successive cultures built new cities on top of the last ones. … The ruins of these ancient cities built one on top of the other are called “tells.” The spiritual journey is like an archaeological dig through the various stages of our lives, from where we are now back through the midlife crisis, adult life, adolescence, puberty, early childhood, infancy. What happens if we allow that archaeological dig to continue? We feel that we are getting worse. But we are really not getting worse; we are just finding out how bad off we always were. That is an enormous grace. … What happens when we get to the bottom of the pile of our emotional debris? We are in divine union. There is no other obstacle.” Thomas Keating

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness
in front of others
to be seen by them.”
Jesus in Matthew 6:6

Moving From Head to Heart

  • “Am I really doing this for God, for truth, or for others? Or am I doing it for hidden reasons?” Do you regularly ask yourself these questions?
  • Have you experienced the “enormous grace” or sifting through your “pile of emotional debris?”
  • What practice can you adopt to help you focus on “interior” religion?

Abba, may all that I do be only for love.

__________

For More: The Human Condition by Thomas Keating

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In these “Daily Riches”  my goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in 400 words or less. Thanks for your interest. When you find it useful, please share!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

 

Daily Riches: Our Deep Need for Approval (Anthony de Mello and Brennan Manning) *

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Being the Beloved, Mindfulness

“Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking minute of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guilt they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or even think.” Anthony de Mello

“When we freely assent to the mystery of our belovedness and accept our core identity as Abba’s child, we slowly gain autonomy from controlling relationships. We become inner-directed rather than outer-determined. The fleeting flashes of pleasure or pain caused by the affirmation or deprivation of others will never entirely disappear, but their power to induce self-betrayal will be diminished.”  Brennan Manning

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
   for my hope is in him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
  my fortress where I will not be shaken.
 My victory and honor come from God alone.”
 Psalm 62:5-7a

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Are you aware of how much control over your life you’re giving away? Have you lost yourself somewhere in the process?
  • Is your core identity that of “Abba’s child?” If not, what needs to change?
  • Are you willing to be true to yourself and learn to resist the urge to “betray” yourself when you feel pressure from others?

Abba, help me to slowly gain autonomy from the controlling relationships in my life as I look for approval from you alone.

__________

For More: The Way to Love by Anthony de Mello

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: When No One is Applauding (Richard Foster) *

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Ego Issues, Humility, Obscurity and Secrecy, Spiritual Formation

“Because our daily tasks afford us constant opportunity to engage in the ministry of small things it is through this work that we become most intimately acquainted with God. … Small things are the genuinely big things in the kingdom of God. It is here we truly face the issues of obedience and discipleship. It is not hard to be a model disciple amid camera lights and press releases. But in the small corners of life, in those areas of service that will never be newsworthy or gain us any recognition we must hammer out the meaning of obedience. Amid the obscurity of family and friends, neighbors, and work associates, we find God.” Richard Foster

“Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with much,  
and whoever is dishonest with very little
will also be dishonest with much.”
Luke 16:10

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Do you normally think of your “daily tasks … amid the obscurity of family and friends” as opportunities for important ministry? as opportunities for profound personal transformation? as opportunities to “find God?”
  • Are you content to labor away in obscurity, ministering for God in a way that no one but God will ever notice? What does your answer say about you?
  • Sometimes it’s hard for me when I realize, “I’m invisible. No one notices me. No one is applauding.” Can you relate? Do you think this painful experience can be beneficial?

Abba, I want to live with you as my sole audience, needing only your applause. Deliver me from the worry about what others think of me. Help me to do “small things” faithfully, with confidence that you’re using them to shape my life.

__________

For More: The Challenged of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: When You’re Addicted to the Approval of Others (John Ortberg) *

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Ego Issues

“Vast amounts of human behavior, though painstakingly disguised, are simply attempts at showing off. … If we begin listening for these kinds of comments, we will discover that attempting to control the way others think of us is one of the primary uses we put words to in contemporary society. Human conversation is largely an endless attempt to convince others that we are more assertive or clever or gentle or successful than they might think if we did not carefully educate them.”  John Ortberg

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood
and speak truthfully to your neighbor,
for we are all members of one body.”
Ephesians 4:25

From The Head to the Heart

  • How much does it matter to you what other people think of you?
  • In conversation or on social media, do you work hard to cause people to see you in a certain way? What does your answer say about you?
  • What would it look like if you stopped trying to “carefully educate” others so they would think well of you? Can you name several things that would change?

Abba, you are enough for me. You suffice. I only really need to please you. Help me to remember this in the midst of all the temptations to do otherwise. Help me to live each day for your approval.

__________

For More: The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg

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“Let us, on both sides, lay aside all arrogance. Let us not, on either side, claim that we have already discovered the truth. Let us seek it together as something which is known to neither of us. For then only may we seek it, lovingly and tranquilly, if there be no bold presumption that it is already discovered and possessed.” – Augustine   My prayer is that these Daily Riches will always be offered and received in this irenic, unpresumptuous spirit. Thank you for reading and sharing my daily posts. Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Obscurity and Intimacy with God (Richard Foster and Thomas Merton) *

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Ego Issues, Obscurity and Secrecy, Spiritual Formation

“Because our daily tasks afford us constant opportunity to engage in the ministry of small things it is through this work that we become most intimately acquainted with God. …Small things are the genuinely big things in the kingdom of God. It is here we truly face the issues of obedience and discipleship. It is not hard to be a model disciple amid camera lights and press releases. But in the small corners of life, in those areas of service that will never be newsworthy or gain us any recognition we must hammer out the meaning of obedience. Amid the obscurity of family and friends, neighbors, and work associates, we find God.” Richard Foster

“It is in the ordinary duties and labors of life that the Christian can and should develop his spiritual union with God.” Thomas Merton

“Who dares despise the day of small things …” Zechariah 4:10

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • The small daily opportunities we have to obey and serve – doing little things that garner us no applause  – God uses to make us “most intimately acquainted” with him.
  • Are you willing to do without the applause? to purposely choose to stay out of the spotlight? to be relatively invisible? Is God’s approval enough for you? What do your answers say about you?
  • We’re really talking about our inner lives with God and the battle being fought there. What change can you make to what you regularly do, to allow secrecy and obscurity to shape you?

Abba, as much as I hate to admit it, I love the sound of applause. Help me, whether I choose obscurity or have it thrust upon me, to submit myself to its good work in my life.

__________

For More: The Challenge of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster

_________________________________________________

Thomas Merton’s goal is his writing is the same as mine in this blog: “The purpose of a book of meditations is to teach you how to think and not to do your thinking for you. Consequently if you pick up such a book and simply read it through, you are wasting your time. As soon as any thought stimulates your mind or your heart you can put the book down because your meditation has begun.” I’m not Thomas Merton (!), yet I hope these Daily Riches will lead you into much life-enriching mediation. – Bill (Psalm 90:14)

 

Daily Riches: Our Deep Need for Approval (Anthony de Mello and Brennan Manning)

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Being the Beloved, Mindfulness

“Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking minute of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guilt they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or even think.” Anthony de Mello

“When we freely assent to the mystery of our belovedness and accept our core identity as Abba’s child, we slowly gain autonomy from controlling relationships. We become inner-directed rather than outer-determined. The fleeting flashes of pleasure or pain caused by the affirmation or deprivation of others will never entirely disappear, but their power to induce self-betrayal will be diminished.”  Brennan Manning

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
   for my hope is in him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
  my fortress where I will not be shaken.
 My victory and honor come from God alone.”
 Psalm 62:5-7a

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Are you aware of how much control over your life you’re giving away? Have you lost yourself somewhere in the process?
  • Is your core identity that of “Abba’s child?” If not, what needs to change?
  • Are you willing to be true to yourself and learn to resist the urge to “betray” yourself when you feel pressure from others?

Abba, help me to slowly gain autonomy from the controlling relationships in my life as I look for approval from you alone.

__________

For More: The Way to Love by Anthony deMello

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: “Approval Addiction” (Richard Foster)

Posted on by under Uncategorized

“Because our daily tasks afford us constant opportunity to engage in the ministry of small things it is through this work that we become most intimately acquainted with God. … Small things are the genuinely big things in the kingdom of God. It is here we truly face the issues of obedience and discipleship. It is not hard to be a model disciple amid camera lights and press releases. But in the small corners of life, in those areas of service that will never be newsworthy or gain us any recognition we must hammer out the meaning of obedience. Amid the obscurity of family and friends, neighbors, and work associates, we find God.” Richard Foster

“Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with much,  
and whoever is dishonest with very little
will also be dishonest with much.”
Luke 16:10

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Do you normally think of your “daily tasks … amid the obscurity of family and friends” as opportunities for important ministry? as opportunities for profound personal transformation? as opportunities to “find God?”
  • Are you content to labor away in obscurity, ministering for God in a way that no one but God will ever notice? What does your answer say about you?
  • Sometimes it’s hard for me when I realize, “I’m invisible. No one notices me. No one is applauding.” Can you relate? Do you think this painful experience can be beneficial?

Abba, I want to live with you as my sole audience, needing only your applause. Deliver me from the worry about what others think of me. Help me to do “small things” faithfully, with confidence that you’re using them to shape my life.

__________

For More: The Challenged of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Approval Addiction (John Ortberg)

Posted on by under Uncategorized

“Vast amounts of human behavior, though painstakingly disguised, are simply attempts at showing off. … If we begin listening for these kinds of comments, we will discover that attempting to control the way others think of us is one of the primary uses we put words to in contemporary society. Human conversation is largely an endless attempt to convince others that we are more assertive or clever or gentle or successful than they might think if we did not carefully educate them.”  John Ortberg

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood
and speak truthfully to your neighbor,
for we are all members of one body.”
Ephesians 4:25

From The Head to the Heart

  • How much does it matter to you what other people think of you?
  • In conversation or on social media, do you work hard to cause people to see you in a certain way? What does your answer say about you?
  • What would it look like if you stopped trying to “carefully educate” others so they would think well of you? Can you name several things that would change?

Abba, you are enough for me. You suffice. I only really need to please you. Help me to remember this in the midst of all the temptations to do otherwise. Help me to live each day for your approval.

__________

For More: The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: The Gift of Obscurity (Richard Foster and Thomas Merton)

Posted on by under Obscurity and Secrecy

“Because our daily tasks afford us constant opportunity to engage in the ministry of small things it is through this work that we become most intimately acquainted with God. … Small things are the genuinely big things in the kingdom of God. It is here we truly face the issues of obedience and discipleship. It is not hard to be a model disciple amid camera lights and press releases. But in the small corners of life, in those areas of service that will never be newsworthy or gain us any recognition we must hammer out the meaning of obedience. Amid the obscurity of family and friends, neighbors, and work associates, we find God.” Richard Foster

“It is in the ordinary duties and labors of life that the Christian can and should develop his spiritual union with God.” Thomas Merton

“Who dares despise the day of small things …” Zechariah 4:10

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • The small daily opportunities we have to obey and serve – doing little things that garner us no applause  – God uses to make us “most intimately acquainted” with him.
  • Are you willing to do without the applause? to purposely choose to stay out of the spotlight? to be relatively invisible? Is God’s approval enough for you? What do your answers say about you?
  • We’re really talking about our inner lives with God and the battle being fought there. What change can you make to what you regularly do, to more often choose secrecy and obscurity?

Abba, as much as I hate to admit it, I love the sound of applause. Help me, whether I choose obscurity or have it thrust upon me, to submit myself to its good work in my life.

__________

For More: The Challenge of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster

_________________________________________________

The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to provide you with something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)