Category Archives: Ego Issues

Daily Riches: Embracing Our Limits (Pete Scazzero) *

Posted on by under Ego Issues, Embracing Losses and Limits, Learning Your Proper Place, Obscurity and Secrecy

“Getting off our thrones and joining the rest of humanity

is a must for spiritual maturity.
We are not the center of the universe.
The universe does not revolve around us.
Yet a part of us hates limits. We won’t accept them.
This is one of the primary reasons grieving our losses Biblically
is such an indispensable part of spiritual maturity.
Embracing our limits humbles us like little else.”
Peter Scazzero

“So John’s disciples came to him and said, ‘Rabbi, the man you met on the other side of the Jordan River, the one you identified as the Messiah, is also baptizing people. And everybody is going to him instead of coming to us.’ John replied, ‘No one can receive anything unless God gives it from heaven.  …It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the best man is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater,
and I must become less and less.’” John 3:26-30

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Of one pastor it was said, “He wanted to be the bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral.” It’s both funny and sad. Do you ever struggle to “get off your throne and join the rest of humanity?”
  • Think about some of the limits in your life. Do you hate them? Are you refusing to accept them, or are you “embracing” them?
  • What would it mean for you to “grieve your losses Biblically?” Can you see that there would be benefit in doing that? How so?

Abba, forgive me for constantly trying to do more than you intend with my life. Forgive me for my exalted sense of my own importance – for my constant chafing at the limits you give. Help me to submit to the work of “limits” in my life.

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For More: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

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The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to provide you with something of uncommon value each day in 400 words or less. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Loving the One In Pain (Parker Palmer and Heidi Hewett)

Posted on by under Ego Issues, Loving Listening, Loving Well, Silence

“One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to ‘fix’ it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery. Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which is exactly how a depressed person feels–and our unconscious need as Job’s comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us. In an effort to avoid those feelings, I give advice, which sets me, not you, free.” Parker Palmer

“When we hold space for one another, we are fully present to the other’s pain–to their mystery and misery. We are not trying to rush in to fill the circle of discomfort a friend or acquaintance feels, but instead we are fully present in the moment and in the sharing. We are witnesses to human experience. Holding space goes so much farther than offering words of advice. Our silence is the act of holding someone up, without words. Silence in this context is beautiful and non-judgmental, and it goes so much farther in offering comfort than our words could ever hope to offer. Holding space is such a hard practice at first, because it is in our nature to want to rush into the center of the hurt and to do something about it. What if we didn’t rush so much? What if we listened and sat and held our friends close with our hearts? How would this revolutionize our relationships? I have a suspicion that we would be more apt to listen and to be fully present in the moment–and this may make all the difference in the world!” Heidi Hewett

When Job’s three friends … heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2:11-13

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Have you ever experienced “holding someone up without words”, not trying to “fill the circle of discomfort” with your opinions and advice?
  • We’re usually very hard on Job’s friends, often forgetting that they started by sitting in silence with Job for “seven days and seven nights!” Have you ever done anything like that? had anyone do it for you?
  • Have you regretted later the words of comfort you offered someone? What could you have done differently?

Abba, when I’m feeling useless and powerless to help another, when unconsciously I want to separate myself from my suffering friend with fear-based words, help me to choose silence, abiding in the sacred space of our mutual powerlessness, enduring discomfort, looking to you, powerfully offering love.

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For More: Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer

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Thanks for reading!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Listening Well (Henri Nouwen) *

Posted on by under Ego Issues, Loving Listening, Loving Well, Silence

“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept. Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”  Henri Nouwen

“You must all be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to get angry. …
If you claim to be religious
but don’t control your tongue,
you are fooling yourself,
and your religion is worthless.”  
James 1:19b, 26

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Do you have a strong enough sense of “inner stability” so that you don’t feel compelled to explain, defend or interpret yourself to others?
  • How often, if ever, do you have a conversation where you don’t feel the need “to make your presence known?” What would be the point of that anyway?
  • Loving listening is a “form of spiritual hospitality.” No wonder then that James says it’s a test of our religion. How can you make a plan for upcoming conversations, to extend loving hospitality more effectively?

Abba, help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak today. Help me to receive, welcome and accept what others have to give instead of striving to make my presence known. I ask that people I meet today would feel accepted by me, and by you – valued, heard and loved.

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For More: Bread for the Journey by Henri Nouwen

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These “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to provide you with something of uncommon value each day in 400 words or less. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: When the Sacred Becomes Vulgar (F. W. Robertson, Thomas Merton, Bernard of Clairvaux and Brennan Manning)

Posted on by under approval addiction, Ego Issues, Obscurity and Secrecy

“There are transfiguration moments, bridal hours of the soul; and not easily forgiven are those who would utter the secrets of its high intercourse with their Lord. There is a certain spiritual indelicacy in persons that cannot perceive that not everything which is a matter of experience and knowledge is therefore a subject for conversation. You cannot discuss such subjects without vulgarising them.” F. W. Robertson

“All speech is impertinent, it destroys the simplicity of that nothingness before God by making it seems as if it had been ‘something.’” Thomas Merton

“… they are readier to speak than to listen, eager to teach that which they do not know.” Bernard of Clairvaux

“Do the truth quietly without display.” Brennan Manning

“The kingdom of God is not a matter of talk
but of power.”
1 Corinthians 4:20

 Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • James insists that a man must “keep a tight reign on his tongue” (James 1:26), and that seems particularly difficult in this area where the ego cries out for attention and admiration. Do you find yourself sharing your intimate experience with the Lord as a “matter of conversation?” If so, take some time to consider your motivations.
  • After a conversation, are you sometimes convicted that you were “eager to teach that which you do not know?” If so, again, what does this say about you?
  • Merton says that talking about the “simplicity” of something wonderful between us and God “destroys” it. That’s what’s at stake here – what Robertson calls a “vulgarising.” It’s not hard to see this shortcoming in ourselves and others. That makes this a good time to remember how patient and understanding God is with us in our weaknesses.

Jesus’ family were confused by him because he acted “in secret”, and that made no sense for someone who “wants to become a public figure.” (John 7:3-8) Abba, break my ego-driven want “to become a public figure”, and teach me not to take those rare and precious moments of intimacy between us, and vulgarize them in self-promotion.

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For More: Dancing in the Water of Life by Thomas Merton

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These “Daily Riches” are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: An Undivided Life (Richard Rohr)

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Ego Issues, Obscurity and Secrecy

“Jesus tells us to give alms, and fast, and pray secretly…. These are the three religious disciplines honored by most historical religions. Whenever you perform a religious action publicly, it enhances your image as a good, moral person and has a strong social payoff. Jesus’ constant emphasis is on interior religiosity, on purifying motivation and intention. He tells us to clean the inside of the dish instead of being so preoccupied with cleaning the outside, with looking good (Matthew 23:25-26). The purifying of our intention and motivation is the basic way that we unite our inner and our outer worlds. (Please read that twice!) All through the spiritual journey, we should be asking ourselves, ‘Why am I doing this? Am I really doing this for God, for truth, or for others? Or am I doing it for hidden reasons?’ The spiritual journey could be seen as a constant purification of motive until I can finally say, ‘I have no other reason to do anything except love of God and love of neighbor. And I don’t even need people to know this.'” Richard Rohr

” … and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Matthew 6:18

Moving From Head to Heart

  • Are you “preoccupied … with looking good” at church? If so, why? Are you as good as you look? Do you feel free to be transparent?
  • Do you ask, “Why am I doing this?” Are you aware of your ego’s need for a “strong social payoff?” of your “hidden reasons?” Becoming aware is the first step to uniting your “inner and outer worlds.”
  • Sometimes I think, “I hope someone will share this about me at my funeral.” I don’t mind if it’s a secret until then – after all, I want to be (and be known!) as a modest person. I don’t feel the need to advertise what few things might make me look good … but, I do want credit, even if I’m dead! Is it just me, or can you relate?

Abba, I admit I want credit. I admit I want to be admired. I admit that, even though your approval should be everything, I seem to need more. Help me to focus less on what others think of me and more on what others need from me.

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For More: Francis: Subverting the Honor/Shame System [CD] by Richard Rohr

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I appreciate your interest in my blog!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Giving Up the Need to Be Noticed (Dallas Willard)

Posted on by under applause, approval addiction, Ego Issues, Obscurity and Secrecy

“In the practice of secrecy, we experience a continuing relationship with God independent of the opinions of others.  …One of the greatest fallacies of our faith, and actually one of greatest acts of unbelief, is the thought that our spiritual acts and virtues need to be advertised to be known. The frantic efforts of religious personages and groups to advertise and certify themselves is a stunning revelation of their lack of substance and faith. Jesus, surely with some humor, remarked that a city set on a hill cannot be hid (Matt. 5:14). I would not like to have the task of hiding Jerusalem, or Paris, or even Baltimore. The Gospel stories tell us how hard Jesus and his friends tried to avoid crowds and how badly they failed. Quite candidly, if it is possible for our faith and works to be hidden, perhaps that only shows they are of a kind that should be hidden. We might, in that case, think about directing our efforts toward the cultivation of a faith that is impossible to hide (Mark 7:24). Secrecy rightly practiced enables us to place our public relations department entirely in the hands of God, who lit our candles so we could be the light of the world, not so we could hide under a bushel (Matt. 5:14-16). We allow him to decide when our deeds will be known and when our light will be noticed.” Dallas Willard

“… let your light shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
 …Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.“
Matthew 5:16, 6:1

Moving From Head to Heart

  • The exact same activity can be good or bad depending on the motivation – to enhance God’s reputation, or your reputation or that of your ministry. Are you sensitive to this dynamic?
  • Have you prayerfully considered why you do what you do – devotions, acts of service, sacrifices for others, spiritual disciplines, impressive ministry?
  • If you take what is personal and intimate in your life with God and use it to promote yourself, you change it. Can you “place your public relations department entirely in the hands of God”, focusing on his approval – leaving the rest to him?

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For More: The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard

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I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it. I appreciate it!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: The Perils of Success (Paul Pearsall, Henri Nouwen, Mark Nepo, John de Graaf)

Posted on by under approval addiction, Busyness, Ego Issues, Obscurity and Secrecy, Simplicity, Success

“Everyone said I was doing really well, but something inside me was telling me my success was putting my soul in danger.” Henri Nouwen

“Sweet success is being able to pay full and undivided attention to what matters most in life… experienced as a fulfilled and calm spirit that doesn’t compare itself to the happiness and success of others. It is characterized by an unhurried daily life led without the burden of the drive for victory over others or to get more status and ‘stuff.’ It is being able to regularly share with those we love a persistent sense of glee in the simple pleasures that derive from being alive and well at this moment in time. …Put simply, toxic success is constant distraction caused by pressure to do and have more; sweet success is attending fully to the now with the confident contentment that enough is finally enough. Overcoming toxic success syndrome is not a matter of giving up the good life, it is a matter of getting it back by freeing ourselves from the short-term illusion that so many of us now call ‘success.’ It is recovering from the social virus author John de Graaf calls ‘affluenza … a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.'” Paul Pearsall

“… care for your soul as if it were the whole world.” Mark Nepo

“This is what the Lord says:
‘Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”
Jeremiah 6:16

Moving From The Head to The Heart

  •  Reread the first half of Pearsall’s definition of “sweet success.” What Pearsall as a psychoneuroimmunologist recommends, Jesus lived. This is the kind of life Jesus wants for you.
  • Do you feel like your soul could be “in danger?” Are you walking “where the good way is?”
  • Are you caring for your soul “as if it were the whole world?” How, specifically?

Abba, deliver me from the illusions and pathologies of my day. Help me to find rest for my soul as I walk in the ancient paths.

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For More: Toxic Success by Paul Pearsall

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My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day. Thanks for reading! – Bill

Daily Riches: Hearts Big Enough to Love (Pema Chödrön and Richard Rohr)

Posted on by under Awareness, Ego Issues, Loving Well

“Could our minds and our hearts be big enough just to hang out in that space where we’re not entirely certain about who’s right and who’s wrong? Could we have no agenda when we walk into a room with another person, not know what to say, not make that person wrong or right? Could we see, hear, feel other people as they really are? It is powerful to practice this way, because we’ll find ourselves continually rushing around to try to feel secure again—to make ourselves or them either right or wrong. But true communication can happen only in that open space.” Pema Chödrön

“The dualistic mind is essentially binary. It is either/or thinking. It knows by comparison, by opposition, by differentiation. It uses descriptive words like good/evil, pretty/ugly, intelligent/stupid, not realizing there may be 55 or 155 degrees between the two ends of each spectrum. It works well for the sake of simplification and conversation, but not for the sake of truth or even honest experience. Actually, you need your dualistic mind to function in everyday life: to do your job as a teacher, a doctor, or an engineer. It is great stuff as far as it goes, but it doesn’t go far enough. The dualistic mind cannot process things like infinity, mystery, God, grace, suffering, death, or love. When it comes to unconditional love, the dualistic mind can’t even begin to understand it.” Richard Rohr

 “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another”
1 Peter 5:5

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Are you aware of dualistic thinking in your world? in yourself? Where do you see it? What does it look like?
  • Is your heart (your love) “big enough just to hang out in that space where you’re not entirely certain about who’s right and who’s wrong?”
  • A heart big enough to love requires humility. What practice can you adopt to grow in humility, particularly when it comes to dualistic thinking?

Abba, grant me a big heart that cares more about people than being right.

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For More: Dualistic Thinking... by Richard Rohr

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The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Detachment from the Insatiable Self (Eugene Peterson, Wanda Jackson)

Posted on by under Busyness, Detachment and Attachment, Ego Issues, Prayer, Silence

“I know it takes time to develop a life of prayer; set-aside, disciplined, deliberate time. It isn’t accomplished on the run…. I know I can’t be busy and pray at the same time. I can be active and pray; I can work and pray; but I cannot be busy and pray. I cannot be inwardly rushed, distracted or dispersed. In order to pray I have to be paying more attention to God than to what people are saying to me; to God than to my clamoring ego. Usually, for that to happen there must be a deliberate withdrawal from the noise of the day, a disciplined detachment from the insatiable self.” Eugene Peterson

“As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”
Psalm 42:1,2

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Are you pursuing a life with God while you’re “on the run?” while you’re “busy … inwardly rushed, [or] distracted?” If so, is that satisfying your thirst for God?
  • It’s been said, that if you don’t have a plan for your ego, your ego has a plan for you. Do you have a plan for dealing with your “clamoring ego” – for detaching from your “insatiable self?”
  • Does your plan include a “deliberate withdrawal from the noise of the day” so that you can speak with and hear from God?

“Fill my cup, Lord; I lift it up Lord;
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.”

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For More: The Contemplative Pastor by Eugene Peterson

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The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: The Constant Purification of Motive (Richard Rohr and Thomas Keating)

Posted on by under approval addiction, Ego Issues, Loving Union with God, Obscurity and Secrecy, Spiritual Formation

“Whenever you perform a religious action publicly, it enhances your image as a good, moral person and has a strong social payoff. Jesus’ constant emphasis is on interior religiosity, on purifying motivation and intention. He tells us to clean the inside of the dish instead of being so preoccupied with cleaning the outside, with looking good (Matthew 23:25-26). The purifying of our intention and motivation is the basic way that we unite our inner and our outer worlds. (Please read that twice!) All through the spiritual journey, we should be asking ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Am I really doing this for God, for truth, or for others? Or am I doing it for hidden reasons?” The spiritual journey could be seen as a constant purification of motive until I can finally say, “I have no other reason to do anything except love of God and love of neighbor.” Richard Rohr

“In the Near East, centuries ago successive cultures built new cities on top of the last ones. … The ruins of these ancient cities built one on top of the other are called “tells.” The spiritual journey is like an archaeological dig through the various stages of our lives, from where we are now back through the midlife crisis, adult life, adolescence, puberty, early childhood, infancy. What happens if we allow that archaeological dig to continue? We feel that we are getting worse. But we are really not getting worse; we are just finding out how bad off we always were. That is an enormous grace. … What happens when we get to the bottom of the pile of our emotional debris? We are in divine union. There is no other obstacle.” Thomas Keating

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness
in front of others
to be seen by them.”
Jesus in Matthew 6:6

Moving From Head to Heart

  • “Am I really doing this for God, for truth, or for others? Or am I doing it for hidden reasons?” Do you regularly ask yourself these questions?
  • Have you experienced the “enormous grace” or sifting through your “pile of emotional debris?”
  • What practice can you adopt to help you focus on “interior” religion?

Abba, may all that I do be only for love.

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For More: The Human Condition by Thomas Keating

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In these “Daily Riches”  goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day. Thanks, and please share!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

 

Daily Riches: Beyond “Either, Or” (Richard Rohr)

Posted on by under Ego Issues, The Call to Change

“Jesus’ direct and clear teachings on issues such as nonviolence; a simple lifestyle; love of the poor and our enemies; forgiveness, inclusivity, and mercy; and not seeking status, power, perks, or possessions have all been overwhelmingly ignored throughout history by mainline Christian churches, even those who so proudly call themselves orthodox or biblical. This avoidance defies explanation until we understand how dualistic thinking protects and pads the ego and its fear of change. Notice that the things we Christians have largely ignored require actual change to ourselves. The things we emphasized instead were usually intellectual beliefs or moral superiority stances that asked almost nothing of us—but compliance from others: the divinity of Christ, the virgin birth, the atonement theory, and beliefs about reproduction and sex. After a while, you start to recognize the underlying bias that is at work. The ego diverts your attention from anything that would ask you to change, to righteous causes that invariably ask others to change. Such issues give you a sense of moral high ground without costing you anything ….Whole people see and create wholeness wherever they go. Split people split up everything and everybody else. By the second half of our lives, we are meant to see in wholes and no longer just in parts.” Richard Rohr

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust
in your brother’s eye
and pay no attention
to the plank in your own eye?”
Luke 6:41

Moving from the Head to the Heart

  • Does your Christianity emphasize “intellectual beliefs” or “righteous causes” that require “outsiders” to change but not you?
  • Do you see how your ego works to protect the you-who-needs-to-change from hearing any real call to change?
  • Is your mind trapped in “polarity thinking” that makes you change-averse? What does your answer say about you?
  • “Why DO you look …?” Luke 6:41

Abba, teach me to recognize the voice of my ego, and to free myself from its blinding, destructive grip. Teach me to drop my armor and welcome the work of your Spirit in me.

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For More: The Naked Now by Richard Rohr

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The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to give you something of uncommon value each day in less than 400 words. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)

Daily Riches: Longing and Satisfaction (Larry Crabb and John Climacus)

Posted on by under Desolation's Gift, Ego Issues, Humility

“Nothing is more humbling than the recognition of (1) a deep thirst that makes us entirely dependent on someone else for satisfaction and (2) a depth of corruption that stains everything we do–even our efforts to reform–with selfishness. To realistically face what is true within us puts us in touch with a level of helplessness we don’t care to experience.” Larry Crabb

“Like the sun which shines on all alike, vainglory beams on every occupation. What I mean is this. I fast and I turn vainglorious. I stop fasting so that I will draw no attention to myself, and I become vainglorious over my prudence. I dress well or badly, and am vainglorious in either case. I talk or I hold my peace, and each time I am defeated. No mater how I shed this prickly thing, a spike remains to stand up against me.” John Climacus

“O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you! …
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.”
Psalm 63:1-5a

Moving From the Head to the Heart

  • Have you concluded that you are “entirely dependent upon someone else [God] for satisfaction?”  Have you become aware of “a depth of corruption in you that stains everything you do … with selfishness?”
  • Are you able to “sit with” the longings that accompany these admissions and then bring them to God as the Psalmist does?
  • Crabb says facing these truths “puts us in touch with a level of helplessness we don’t care to experience.” Are you willing to go with God to this place of pain? What would be the point?

Abba, like the psalmist, help me to honestly admit my longings to myself and to you, and may I find satisfaction in you alone, regardless of what happens with my longings.

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For More: Inside Out by Larry Crabb

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The “Daily Riches” from RicherByFar are for your encouragement as you seek after God, and as he seeks after you. My goal is to provide you with something of uncommon value each day in 400 words or less. I hope you’ll follow my blog, and share it with others. I appreciate your interest!  –  Bill (Psalm 90:14)